What About Single Parents During Covid-19? What can Welsh Government do? In the Words of Single Parents.
There are almost 90,000 single parents in Wales (Stats for Wales 2018) with over 10,000 in Cardiff alone (ONS, 2015), yet they’re an invisible and overlooked group during this pandemic.
SPW members are calling on the Welsh Government to take action and hear the voices of the single parents in Wales. To ensure that single parents aren’t a forgotten group, in their exit lockdown strategy. They have voiced what practical and simple things that can be done to ensure that their mental health and their children’s are priority.
We asked SPW members what they wanted to say about lockdown and being a single parent. The common themes were exhaustion, impact on mental health, going out shopping, isolation, loneliness and the difficulties of working from home.
SPW members voice their concerns and actions for Welsh Government.
“When you are a single parent there is no safety net - against illness or economic instability. The lock-down is not universally experienced, but there are no special measures to mitigate against the disadvantage experienced by single parent families. The lock-down exacerbates every aspect of this existing disadvantage.”
— SPW MEMBER
Isolation and Loneliness
Single parents are more likely to experience loneliness, isolation and stigma than coupled families. (University of Bath 2012)
“It is lonely. So very lonely. No matter how many Zoom sessions I have. There is nothing like real human support. I hate that people would frown at me for daring to have socially distanced meet ups for my mental health. People are exercising at the park. We will pass tonnes of strangers and that’s ok, but if I do it with someone I know, I’m ostracised.”
“There is also the added unknown of when we will be allowed to see other groups of friends or family. Myself and my daughter are so sociable with our precious group of baby mums that she misses them like crazy right now. They have been my lifeline and support over the years and I miss that too. “
“The last week my daughter has been getting more emotional. She is doing amazingly well at homeschooling and has had her teacher has noticed her perseverance but she is lonely and misses her friends. I hardly speak to anyone else as I simply don't have the time or energy. I am trying not to too worry about money but I am.”
“As time goes on I feel the hardest thing for single parent, single child families is isolation for both of us. I don't have any time or energy. If I am not working I am parenting or teaching; cleaning or cooking. I juggle all my roles every second of the day.”
“Then the isolation at home, no adult conversation and when she goes with her dad not seeing anybody possibly for days. But we are alive, that’s what counts.”
“The lack of another adult to speak to at this time is so so hard. Video chats are helpful but they are not a replacement.”
“The support that many of us count on from parents and wider family has been completely taken away, and that’s hard practically and emotionally for us and for them. It also puts an extra burden on us.”
“The isolation for my daughter is really hard. She is in reception and having her friends stripped from her over night was so hard for her to understand. She is so social and used to going to several clubs as well as school and play dates. She is desperate to see someone other than me.”
Financial
One third of children in working single parent families are living in poverty. (Gingerbread 2018)
“I’m lucky to be paid fully currently, but financially it’s a struggle. I’ve gone from providing one meal a day to 3, 7 days a week. I’ve invested lord knows how much on craft materials just to keep her happy and away from her screen.”
“Im fortunate not to rely on my 6.98 a week maintenance, but many do. If furlough drops below 80%, maintenance will be adjusted and there is no government provision to make it up.”
“I am self employed and my income has plummeted. There is no one to “tag team” with on child care/home schooling to get a few hours work done and no one else’s income to fall back on either.”
“On top of trying to teach my adult learners so that I don't lose my job as my other part-time job I have been furloughed for which as many know money is tight when your a single parent so going from two full paid part-time jobs to one and a furloughed wage is hard going to top it off we have a ridiculous amount to pay for council tax so the pressure and stress of being in lockdown is just that much worse when you are on your own with a child.”
WFH
68% of single parents work. (Gregg, P. and Finch, D. (2016)
“Single parents and their children are at a massive disadvantage compared with two parent households and my inability to support their educational needs properly, in addition to supporting their physical, emotional and mental wellbeing alone is really hard. I am fortunate in that my employers have allowed me to go part-time during the Covid outbreak, but I'm worried my children are falling behind. It's just not physically possible to help young children with school work while I am in video conferencing meetings.”
“Time doing school is time not doing work. Time going for a walk is time not doing school or work. Time doing work is time not with my daughter. We are everything to all people with no break and no 'meet up with the kids in the park' option (understandably).”
“I started lockdown like many others thinking I would be able to continue my self employed work however the reality of having a nearly 4 year old has meant that I have been unable to do much at all. I'm lucky if she let's me do an hour a day. And the nature of my work makes it incredibly difficult to pick up and put down as it needs intense concentration and a good stretch of a few hours to really achieve something. As a result of my income dropping.”
“Working is practically impossible. 1 adult, 1 child means that you are now parent, provider, comforter, teacher and playmate. There is literally no let up and while there are definitely positives it is totally, totally unrelenting.”
“I’m working from home and even though my work is understanding I feel guilty when I’m not at my computer and guilty when I am for my daughter. She is spending most of her time on YouTube as will only do school work or play if I am with her. When I don’t work we try and do ‘fun’ things but we are winding each other up in seconds because there is no where to hide.”
“I'm working which means he's stuck on his screen a bit too much, trying to run the house, cook, educate, have fun. Extra cost of food that he is inhaling, extra toys and crafts so he's occupied. And every night worrying, alone, if I've done it enough for him.”
Mental Health
Single parents are at a higher risk of developing mental health problems. (The Lonely Society, MHF, 2010)
“My personal experience so far has not been a good one and my mental health has taken a severe battering with anxiety at the beginning turning to depression now. This is literally one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The last time I remember feeling like this was 3 years ago going through my divorce.”
“The fear, anxiety, worry, loneliness, anger, frustration, isolation and injustice of this whole situation is overwhelming and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.”
“This is definitely is affecting my mental health. I'm working from home and home schooling. My 6 year old is the only person I see other than at a shop checkout. I feel terrible taking her with me but we need to eat.”
“My daughter has been quite emotional the last couple of weeks. She said she doesn't know why. She just feels sad. She is 8 and it's just the 2 of us with vertically no contact from family.”
“My levels of anxiety are a concern for me personally but I feel invisible at the moment as nobody in my house is in the high risk group for health problems.”
“There is no consideration for mental health, it is very intense to be alone with a 4yr old with no other physical interaction with other adults.”
Exhaustion
“I’m struggling with is the exhaustion. 6 year old Daughter wakes around 7, meaning I do too, we have breakfast, shower, get dressed, then I get a few things set up for her for home schooling. I’m also working from home as a teacher so need to spend time doing bits throughout the day. By the time I get to bed myself it is usually about 1am if not later.”
“I have two very lively, young boys! Most days I have to go out everyday as my anxiety is through the roof at the moment and they have so much energy!! I am constantly exhausted switching from one's learning to another as well as doing my own degree.”
“At the moment, I’m trying to squeeze in a 7.5hr day for work. (I’m NHS working from home) followed by as much school work as we can manage. At the end of this I’m mentally exhausted. I feel like I’m neglecting my daughter to do my job. My house is neglected so I can do work/school work. I’ve no time to exercise or look after my emotional well-being. If there were some on-line classes, it would restore my work/life balance because school could happen while I work, instead of one after the other.”
“My main point is I am exhausted. I suspect some of the exhaustion comes from a stress response and the other is from parenting full time a very very fit and active 5 yr old.My tolerance for things is lower and my playfulness is far too low for how I normally parent. It's just us two, no support, no tag teaming, no one else who cares that I do my utmost to keep us safe. The mental load is enough to justify the exhaustion, the parenting on top of that is hard and the work is another ... I actually hate to be negative so I feel awful even writing it!”
“I am burnt out and fantasise taking us both on holiday when it all goes back to normal to give her quality time without things in the background but I know I will have to work my socks off to get us in a stable financial situation again.”
Anxiety of falling ill
“My biggest fear is falling ill or perhaps worse is my son falling ill and me not being able to be in hospital with him. I DO have my ex to fall back on if my son needed care while I recovered but the idea of my child being hospital for any length of time without me or his dad being able to stay is horrible.”
“The worry if I get ill, who will help? His dad lives in Italy. And if they expect my parents to come. Then why can't we even go and sit ijt heir garden at a distance now?”
“I’m a front line worker, fear of bringing it home to her, what if I have it who will look after her. Coming home totally exhausted, showering, washing my hair and clothes before I even say hello. Worrying about her school work is she doing it while I’m in work. “
“What happens if I get sick? All my support network, total of 3 people he would go with are shielded or live the other side of the country and are key workers. How on earth can I plan what to do when there are no options.”
“I am concerned about getting seriously unwell or hospitalised from Covid-19. I don’t have people to rely on for childcare. It isn’t possible to turn to the child’s grandparents or other relations as there could be a risk of the child infecting them.”
Supermarket Shops
“Having to take him to the supermarket because I can't get a delivery slot, putting him at risk. Even weighed up leaving him in the car, but the time it rakes to queue up and get around and back out it can be such a long time.”
“Feeling guilty that we sometimes have no choice but to go to the supermarket together that’s FILLED with germs. I can leave her home alone whilst I go to the local shop but is it right to leave my 8 year old home alone for like 1-2 hours whilst I walk to the supermarket? Probably not.”
“My daughter is 8. We go once a week and shop for us and my vulnerable mum, dropping off to her before coming back. If i need to get 1 or 2 things, I leave her home on the phone to my mum, which is not something I would have done before.”
SPW members call on Welsh Government to take the following action for single parents:
Single parents to be recognised as a vulnerable/ at risk group
Single parents to be prioritised during the lockdown strategy and the exit strategy
Single parents to have access to family members to be seen as a priority for their mental health
For single parents to be prioritised for furlough, if they request it. Additionally, if single parents have lost their jobs during Covid 19, to have priority regarding financial support
Single parents to have priority over online food shops
Measures for more support for missed CMS payments
Provisions and clear guidelines for local authorities if a single parent with sole care responsibilities, becomes very ill during Covid 19. Assurances around the children going to the other members during this time or local authority provisions in place
Image by Julia Bethan
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