Top Questions And Statistics Around Domestic Abuse Answered By Systemic Counsellor and Clinical Supervisor Peggy Sweeney
Hello! My name is Peggy Sweeney, I am a Systemic Counsellor and Clinical Supervisor with experience of working in the NHS, Social Services and I also have a Private Practice. I have worked for a long time in the field of substance misuse and love the work that I do.
Most importantly to me, I am a single parent to one amazing little person, so when invited to contribute some of my thoughts to this wonderful social enterprise I jumped at the chance to support, encourage and cheerlead all of you wonderful, amazing and hardworking Mums and Dad’s!
Domestic Abuse is a very topical subject, one where its unusual to find someone who doesn’t have knowledge of at least one other person whose life has been affected by domestic abuse.
If you are reading this blog you may feel that there is something not quite right in your relationship or in your home life. Maybe you are feeling stuck, afraid, worried…
If that’s the case, then read on, hopefully the content may help you to get some support, safety and to know that you are not alone.
Lets think about how we got here..
30-40 years ago, in our recent history, we somehow imagine that domestic violence was an accepted part of life, where largely speaking, women could expect some form of violence as part of the role of being a female and a wife and as an extension, children could expect to be beaten as a way of disciplining them (with even permissions given as teachers were legally allowed and encouraged to corporally punish children as part of their behaviour management in a school setting.)
Interesting fact: The ban on corporal punishment came into force in 1986 in British state schools. Private schools took until 1998 in England and Wales, 2000 in Scotland and 2003 in Northern Ireland
You can read a little more on the history of corporal punishment if you follow the link below
www.localhistories.org/corporalpunishment
Wow! Just Wow! Thank goodness some things in society have evolved since then, however there are still families, communities, and households for whom things really haven’t changed that much in the years since.
For many people domestic abuse is a horrendous situation where they feel trapped, helpless, ashamed to speak about it and feel that they will never be able to escape. This blog hopes to explore domestic abuse and offer both understanding and a glimmer of hope to those who feel any or all of the above.
So, what is domestic abuse?
The UK government’s definition of domestic abuse is “any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.
Ok so that’s the legal definition, how do I know if I fall into that category?
I explored a number of sources to find one that seemed easiest to follow. It was produced by the Met Police (with link at the end to read more)
Domestic abuse can include but is not limited to the following types of abuse:
physical
emotional
psychological
sexual
financial
Controlling behaviour
Controlling behaviour is a range of acts performed by the abuser and designed to make their victim subordinate and/or dependent. These acts include but are not limited to:
isolating the victim from sources of support
exploiting the victim's resources and capacities for personal gain
depriving the victim of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape
regulating the victim's everyday behaviour
Coercive behaviour
Coercive behaviour is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used by the abuser to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.
Physical abuse and sexual abuse
Physical abuse is the use of physical force against someone in a way that injures or endangers that person. The police have the power and authority to protect you from physical attack.
Sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence.
Emotional or psychological abuse
Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimised or overlooked—even by the person being abused.
Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behaviour also fall under emotional abuse.
Honour-based abuse
There's no honour in threatening or harming vulnerable people with violence. However, a small minority of both women and men experience violence and threats at the hands of their family or community in order to protect their perceived ‘honour’. (Family members are defined as mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister and grandparents, whether directly related, in-laws or step-family.)
The warning signs of honour-based abuse are:
forms of communication being severed between victim and friends
withdrawal from education or workplace
criticism of victim for ‘Western’ adoption of clothing or make-up
restrictions in leaving the house or chaperoning outside the home
onset of depression or suicidal tendencies in an otherwise happy person
[Source:] https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/daa/domestic-abuse/what-is-domestic-abuse/
Who does domestic abuse affect?
Domestic abuse has significantly more victims that we might imagine and those impacted may surprise you. Often victims may not consider themselves victims, or there is an unspoken rule that the abuse will not be talked about which often keeps people stuck or trapped.
Safelifes.org.uk have recently produced the following information;
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, but some people – particularly women – are more likely to be victims.
Who are the victims of domestic abuse?
Each year more than 100,000 people in the UK are at imminent risk of being murdered or seriously injured as a result of domestic abuse 2
Each year the situation of 50,000 high-risk victims and 70,000 children are discussed at Marac meetings across England and Wales. 4 More than 90% of these victims are female, and 5-10% are male. 15% are black, Asian or minority ethnic (BAME). 4% are disabled. 1% are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans (LGBT). 4
What are the characteristics of victims that mean they are more likely to be abused?
Gender: Women are much more likely than men to be the victims of high risk or severe domestic abuse: 95% of those going to Marac or accessing an Idva service are women 3,4
Low income: women in households with an income of less than £10,000 were 3.5 times more at risk than those in households with an income of over £20,000 5
Age: Younger people are more likely to be subject to interpersonal violence. The majority of high risk victims are in their 20s or 30s. 3 Those under 25 are the most likely to suffer interpersonal violence 5
Pregnancy: Nearly one in three women who suffer from domestic abuse during their lifetime report that the first incidence of violence happened while they were pregnant 6
Separation: Domestic violence is higher amongst those who have separated, followed by those who are divorced or single 5
Previous criminality of the perpetrator: domestic abuse is more likely where the perpetrator has a previous conviction (whether or not it is related to domestic abuse) 5
Drug and alcohol abuse: Victims of abuse have a higher rate of drug and/or alcohol misuse (whether it starts before or after the abuse): at least 20% of high-risk victims of abuse report using drugs and/or alcohol 2
Mental health issues: 40% of high-risk victims of abuse report mental health difficulties 2
Children and domestic abuse
130,000 children live in households where there is high-risk domestic abuse 2
64% of high and medium risk victims have children, on average 2 each 2
A quarter (25%) of children in high-risk domestic abuse households are under 3 years old. On average, high-risk abuse has been going on for 2.6 years, meaning these children are living with abuse for most of their life 2
62% of children living in domestic abuse households are directly harmed by the perpetrator of the abuse, in addition to the harm caused by witnessing the abuse of others 1
Sources
1 Caada (2014), In Plain Sight: Effective help for children exposed to domestic abuse. Bristol: Caada.
2 SafeLives (2015), Getting it right first time: policy report. Bristol: SafeLives.
3 SafeLives (2015), Insights Idva National Dataset 2013-14. Bristol: SafeLives.
4 SafeLives (2014), Marac national dataset 2014. Bristol: SafeLives
5 Walby, S. and Allen, J. (2004), Domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking: Findings from the British Crime Survey. London: Home Office.
6 Lewis, G, Drife, J, et al. (2001) Why mothers die: Report from the confidential enquiries into maternal deaths in the UK 1997-9; commissioned by Department of Health from RCOG and NICE (London: RCOG Press)
[Source:] https://safelives.org.uk/policy-evidence/about-domestic-abuse/who-are-victims-domestic-abuse
The information offered by safelives.org.uk provides some very worrying statistics which are useful for us to note, and be aware that the areas of low income, gender and mental health are often key factors.
It does however indicate that if you are in any of these categories, you are most definitely NOT alone, and you can be one of those who can escape the abuse and create a better life for you and if you have children, for them also.
There is often shame associated with being male and admitting that you are a victim of domestic abuse, I urge you to work towards breaking these cycles of shame and speaking out.
It is imperative that no matter what our race, creed, sexuality, colour, sex or ethnicity, we reject having our choices and freedom controlled and we empower ourselves to demand better for our lives.
Domestic abuse is not a UK only phenomenon, and Time.com published an interesting read recently which you can access below which offers statistics for you to ponder.
https://time.com/4354035/domestic-violence-statistics/
How does domestic abuse impact on Children and young people?
Womens Aid have published some work that makes for particularly worrying and gloomy impacts of domestic abuse on children and young people.
“Domestic violence has a devastating impact on children and young people that can last into adulthood. Domestic abuse services offer specialist emotional and practical support for children and young people affected by domestic abuse.”
One in seven (14.2%) children and young people under the age of 18 will have lived with domestic violence at some point in their childhood.
61.7% of women in refuge on the Day to Count 2017 had children (aged under 18) with them (Women’s Aid, 2018 – data from Women’s Aid Annual Survey 2017).
Between January 2005 and August 2015 (inclusive) 19 children and two women were killed by perpetrators of domestic abuse in circumstances relating to child contact (formally or informally arranged) (Women’s Aid, 2016). A Women’s Aid review of SCRs published since August 2015 highlighted at least one more case falling into this category (Women’s Aid, 2017).
This article tells us that children and young people are significantly impacted by observing or being victims of domestic abuse. The ripple effect can be far reaching, ranging from anxiety, depression, eating disorders to being perpetrators of domestic abuse as they move into adult hood.
It is important to note that children are more aware of domestic abuse that we might imagine, it is not just shouting and violence that effects our young people, it can be the nuances of communications where looks can be filled with meaning, heavy with menace and fear for the well-being of themselves and their parent or siblings which is not lost on them, no matter how young they are.
The opening statistic of 1 in 7 children is affected made a huge impact on me when I read it. 1 in 7 children is a massive amount of fear, hurt, anxiety, worry and pain for the children in our society to be exposed to.
[Source:] The entire article can be found if you follow the link below;
Why do people stay in environments where there is domestic abuse?
Surely they can just leave!
This is often a question that those people who have never been on the receiving end of domestic abuse often ask.
It strikes me as an oversimplified and rather naive position where everyone has the equality of choice, equality of self-esteem and everyone comes from an equally empowered position.
If you are someone who has been raised in an emotionally intelligent family where dignity and respect is the form of communication rather than violence and aggression, the thought of staying in an environment of domestic abuse would absolutely be alien, however many families here in the UK do not or didn’t have that privilege.
People will not have any of these life positions until they become available to them, until they are modelled as an accessible way of being and living, and until these resources and positions actually become positions that victims of domestic abuse can dare to hope or dare to achieve.
@Jason_Whiting wrote a blog for the Institute for Family Studies in July 2016 which proposes 8 reasons why women stay in abusive relationships, I feel this may resonate with many people and is still relevant to many victims of domestic abuse in 2021.
Jason closes his blog with:
“If more people responded to victims’ stories of abuse with concern and compassion, instead of with criticism, more victims might speak up and find the support they need to live a life free of abuse.”
I agree with him entirely! More compassion and less judgement would open up better conversations, lead to more support and would allow us to forge ahead.
Please have a read of Jason’s blog, which can be accessed by following the link below
https://ifstudies.org/blog/eight-reasons-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships
When do people seek help?
How long do victims live with domestic abuse?
On average high-risk victims live with domestic abuse for 2.3 years and medium risk victims for 3 years before getting help 5
The information offered by safelives.org above tells us that on average people live for over 2 years before seeking help, lets support people to endure it for less time than that.
How does domestic abuse impact single parents? How is this relevant to me?
The office for national statistics completed a study (2018) where the evidence suggests that both young women and single mothers are at significant risk of domestic abuse or violence from ex partners. The data based on information collected between 2015 and 2017 reveals that
“single parents are four times more likely to be a victim of domestic abuse than those living with other adults”
and
“single parents are also seven times as like to have been stalked and three times as likely to have been the victim of sexual abuse by a partner or ex-partner”
Moreover, further research by Womens Aid indicated that victims were repeatedly either not believed, blamed for abuse or seen as unstable by judges, barristers and cafcass officers.
You can read the full article by following the link below.
https://www.cypnow.co.uk/news/article/teenagers-and-single-parents-at-highest-risk-of-domestic-abuse
This is really not ok, and I think the key to change with these terrible statistics is to speak up, act, seek advice, support and protection on the very first occasion, as it is a pattern that is unlikely to change positively over time.
In 2015 the Institute of family studies in the US printed an article which talks about kids of single parents being more likely to witness domestic violence. It is an interesting read and despite the statistics being from 2011-2012, it does offer some idea of how children observing violence and abuse in the home can be impacted into their futures.
For you, our children and young people, time is of the essence, trying as best you can to take action is essential.
Sadly this course of action implies that the individual must take responsibility for protecting themselves against aggressors, surely the system must change to make the aggressor responsible?
What we can try to do is teach our children how to treat each other with dignity and respect, and to communicate their emotions without violence. We may find that in order to do that we must also ensure that we learn how to communicate in the same way
I guess that’s the bit we can all work towards.
What can I do to change my situation and take action to escape domestic abuse?
This is arguably the most important section of this blog.
Domestic abuse cannot be underestimated, and no one should ever feel that they are living in fear, without autonomy and feeling increasingly hopeless and worthless.
If you find that you are always asking permission, in a permanent state of worry and anxiety about what is going to happen to you, then perhaps now it is time to change the situation for yourself.
This is unlikely to be a situation that will change on its own if you stay positive and hope for the best.
There will always be regional resources that you can link in with for advice, which will be available through an internet search. However if you are aware that your devices are being monitored this may not be an option. Help can be found in a number of ways, from a conversation with your GP, to a conversation with a teacher at your child’s school, or even your colleague or manager at work.
The key is to SPEAK UP, this is so terribly important as a starting point.
What is the government doing to change our society and help victims of domestic abuse?
Victoria Atkins MP is the minister for safeguarding and is working on the domestic abuse bill. The official stats on that bill provide the following information;
“In the year ending March 2019, an estimated 2.4 million adults aged 16 to 74 years experienced domestic abuse in the last year (1.6 million women and 786,000 men).
The prevalence of domestic abuse has reduced from 8.9% in the year ending March 2005 to 6.3% in the year ending March 2019; this indicates a gradual, longer term downward trend.”
This surely is good news.
If you would like to read a little more about that bill, please follow the link below.
There are lots of resources, books, podcasts, links and videos to watch over on the SPW resources page.
I hope this blog has been useful, and can I just encourage you, as always, SPEAK OUT, and get the help you need.
Keep talking,
Peggy
You can find Peggy Sweeney on Linkedin or contact via email on info@thewalespractice.com