Mental Health, Sleep and Self Care By Systemic Counsellor and Clinical Supervisor Peggy Sweeney
Hello! My name is Peggy Sweeney, I am a Systemic Counsellor and Clinical Supervisor with experience of working in the NHS, Social Services and I also have a Private Practice. I have worked for a long time in the field of substance misuse and love the work that I do.
Most importantly to me, I am a single parent to one amazing little person, so when invited to contribute some of my thoughts to this wonderful social enterprise I jumped at the chance to support, encourage and cheerlead all of you wonderful, amazing, hardworking Mums and Dad’s!
Mental health, is a statement that seems to be ever present at the moment, but what does that really mean? Or maybe the question could be, what does it mean to you?
Please take a minute to think about what the term mental health means to you, maybe jot down what you would say if someone were to ask,
“Hey, how is your mental health?”
Now, let’s start with what the definition is.
The World Health Organisation (WHO) defines mental health as
“a state of well being in which the individual realises his or her abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”
The NHS definition is:
“it is a positive state of mind and body, feeling safe and able to cope, with a sense of connection with people, communities and the wider environment”
With these definitions in mind perhaps it would be useful to consider what the difference is between mental health (as indicated above) and poor mental health or certainly being able to recognise if our mental health is deteriorating and what we can do when we become aware of it.
If we think about the NHS definition above, it makes good sense to think about us as individuals feeling safe and able to cope with the day to day challenges of life. Then to consider that, as human beings it is widely accepted that we all do better when we are around other people so the connection with people, communities and the wider environment, would be an indicator for how we are emotionally.
Hang on a minute, aren’t we living in a global pandemic?
And actually we might not be feeling quite as safe as we usually do because people are dying of covid?
And, have varying levels of isolation because of the pandemic therefore we are unable to have the same social connections as we would normally?
So, maybe if you are feeling lower in mood or questioning where exactly your mental health is at, maybe it does need some attention, or at the very least accepting that our current “normal” is anxiety provoking and our emotional needs are not being attended to as they would be under the usual non-pandemic environment.
What can we possibly do to improve or maintain mental health in our current situation?
Whilst we can’t always prevent issues with our mental health, we can create an optimum environment that will create a solid foundation for maintaining our mental health and wellbeing particularly in these testing times.
There are many suggestions available in the UK for ways to promote good mental health, I liked the one below which has been proposed by Sussex Partnership. Full details are contained within to support the image of 10 Ways to look after your mental health.
https://www.sussexpartnership.nhs.uk/coronavirus-covid-19-and-your-mental-health
They have provided some great ideas to explore, follow the link above for more information and try working toward the 10 steps below.
Let’s talk about sleep!?
We often overlook sleep, somehow it can become less important when we are prioritizing the needs of those we care for or we can struggle to sleep well because we are worrying about other things going on in our life.
Sleep however is VERY important. There is a reason why we have been designed to spend 1/3 our life asleep and that is because it is CRUCIAL to maintaining these magnificent bodies and minds that we live in!
There are many blogs, articles or medical publications which will explain the importance of sleep hygiene. I have found one such blog, Sane Australia, which posted content in Dec 2019 that explains it beautifully.
Sleep hygiene
Regular sleep and wake times. Having a set time that you go to sleep and wake up puts your body into a rhythm. Its best to keep these times the same on weekends too.
Avoid nicotine, caffeine, and alcohol. Nicotine and caffeine (found in coffee, tea, coke, chocolate) act as stimulants that make it more difficult to fall asleep. Consuming alcohol can interfere with the quality of sleep. For better sleep, try to avoid these substances for at least 4-6 hours before going to bed.
Bed is only for sleep. To help your body form an association between bed and sleeping, avoid doing activities such as watching TV, using your computer or phone, or eating, while in bed.
Avoid daytime naps. To ensure you are tired enough to sleep at bedtime, try not to sleep during the day. If you do need a nap, make sure it’s for less than an hour and before 3pm.
The right sleep environment. Create a space that is conducive to sleep. Factors to consider are temperature (a cool room with enough blankets to stay warm is ideal), noise level (keep things quiet by using earplugs if you’ve got roommates or other distracting sounds), and light level (use blackout curtains or an eye mask to ensure its dark enough).
Get up if you can’t fall asleep. There’s nothing worse than lying in bed awake! So if you are not asleep after 20 minutes, get up and do a relaxing (or boring) activity until you feel sleepy, then return to bed and try again.
Warm bath or shower. Studies show that a fall in body temperature is associated with sleepiness. Having a hot bath or shower 1-2 hours before bed allows you to become sleepy as your body cools down.
Develop a bedtime routine. Performing a consistent ritual every night before bed reminds your body that its time to slow down. You can include whatever activities you find calming. Some people enjoy a warm (caffeine-free) drink, a hot shower or bath (as above), a relaxing activity such as reading or colouring, and even some gentle stretching or breathing exercises.
Limit screen time. Blue light from electronic devices makes your brain think its daytime. It’s a good idea to stop using your computer, tablet, phone, or watching TV at least 30 minutes before bed.
Exercise. Exercising during the day can help to reduce restlessness in the evening. However, try to avoid strenuous exercise in the 4 hours before bed, as your body needs time to wind down.
Sleep diary. Recording your sleep patterns can provide useful information for a GP or psychologist to understand what is happening for you.
Don’t watch the clock! If you are worried about the amount of sleep you are NOT getting, chances are you watch time tick by. Obsessing over the time can reinforce negative thoughts like “If I fall asleep now I will only get 5 hours of sleep. I won’t be able to cope tomorrow,” which increases anxiety and reduces your chance of falling asleep quickly.
Which of these sleep hygiene tips could you benefit from incorporating into your routine? Which are you already doing?
If you are concerned about your sleep difficulties or would like further advice, speak with your GP, psychologist, or other health professional.
Sleep well!
I would encourage you to follow this as closely as possible and persevere! If you haven’t been sleeping well or your routine has been out for some time, take the time to reestablish a good sleep pattern.
The same benefits will apply to children, it may take a while to establish but you and your children will benefit immensely from it in the end if you stick at it.
The full blog content which talks about how poor sleep can negatively impact our mental well being is a good read. The link is below!
Self – Care
What is self-care and why do we need a section on it in this blog?
Self care can often be reduced to – having a nights sleep, or escaping to your room for 5 mins peace. But it is something way more important than this. As single parents you are often spinning many plates, and if you live as the only adult in a household then the buck lands with you. Or that’s often what it feels like. You are the breadwinner, provider, consoler, explainer of homework, laundry, cook and bottle washer, taxi, the list goes on and on.
Whilst in the midst of all of these different hats, which you accept gratefully, the idea of self- care and seem time consuming or selfish.
I would like all of you reading this to have a think about what your self care routine is and if not, now might just be a good time to think about how you can incorporate one into your life.
What can self care look like?
There are lots of suggestions around what self care can be, or can be useful as. I like to look at self care as a frame within which you attend to the various components of your life. With your well being (both emotional and physical) at the centre of this frame.
The poster below proposes one version of this. [Source: Blessing Manifesting]
The 8 elements invite you to consider these aspects of your life and think about how you operate within in them. There are a number of entries which may raise some questions; for example, for those who feel that they are not spiritual, then a word like prayer may be emotive or even offensive, but I would invite you to think about what ELSE that may mean. There has been a shift towards mindfulness and meditation in our society and the benefits of these are well documented. When we struggle to be alone with our thoughts or afraid to ask big questions about the universe even, I would encourage you to think about Why that is. And perhaps that will open up some self-exploration that may be useful to you. That would be self-care.
What I also like about this poster is the mention of boundaries in a number of categories. Boundaries are so important and if you feel unable to assert boundaries at home, with family, with financial matters or in your working environment then this can be detrimental to our emotional well being and sense of self.
Again, taking the time to consider this stuff is self-care – particularly as a single parent.
Believing that you are important enough to attend to your own well-being rather than existing to serve others is really key to living our best life.
Lets have a look at what ISNT self-care.
I found this short piece around what isn’t self care, it relates to a woman who is not a single parent but the sentiment is the same. We all need support, particularly when we have children so our basic needs cannot be confused with what is REAL self care.
Have a read!
How will I know when my mental health is good and if it’s not so good?
When our mental health is good when;
You are confident when faced with new situations or people
You feel optimistic
You don’t always blame yourself
You set goals
You feel good about yourself
You have good self esteem
When our mental health is not so good when;
You feel sad or down a lot
You have confused thinking or reduced ability to concentrate
You have excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt
Extreme highs and lows of mood
Withdrawal from friends and family
Significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping.
IMPORTANT – Please note
There is a point at which our mental health can tip into mental illness and it is imperative that we seek professional help.
If you are experiencing the above symptom’s then it is essential that you speak to your GP as soon as possible.
There are lots of resources, books, podcasts, links and videos to watch over on the SPW resources page.
I hope this blog has been useful for you, please ALWAYS reach out and seek support!
Keep talking,
Peggy
You can find Peggy Sweeney on Linkedin or contact via email on info@thewalespractice.com