Trauma Responses Explained
Do we recognise our responses? Do you fight, flight, freeze or fawn??
Any event which is life threatening, highly distressing, or which we believe/ perceive to be so, has the potential to be traumatic.
This includes a divorce, a bereavement, domestic violence, being bullied at work, or continued stress amounting in your life, that means that your base level state is in a level of distress. Which is why being aware of how you might respond and making sure you know and practice self regulation, is essential.
We may pattern match through the experiences we have, stress levels are high
fires response (fight, flight, freeze or fawn).
Decision on how to respond all happens behind the scenes, it isn’t a thought ourt desciion and the decision has to be made quickly, under the threat or percived threat.
Brain makes decisions based on pervious patterns and behaviours that have kept you safe, that can include behaviours that kept us safe but can lead to feelings of guilt or sadness, or low mood after the event.
Anything that appears to give us relief or feelings of safety we will cling onto, and we will use them again.
Along side these are learnt behaviours like drinking, self harming, drugs, over eating. So long as it gives us relief and into a zone where we feel better temporariily.
Inlcuding turning off from intrusive thoughts and our inner critic.
Which pattern is going to offer immediate safety.
Quiet reflective time…
Most of us know about fight or flight but there is also freeze and fawn.
Let’s take a look.
Freeze
Freeze can look like us observing and watching an event, rather than taking action. Freeze is when we play dead, in hoping that the uncomfortable feeling passes.
Assesssment phase, take in whilst brain decides what to do. You are hyperaroused. Arousal and relaxtion response activated. Ready to move into fight or flight. Like a coiled spring mode ready to take action.
Fight
Fight, you get unhealthily angry, lose it. You’ve learnt that anger makes people back off and stop questioning you. Shuts down the argument or is a release to pent up frustration and not being heard or seen. In the event or situation it might feel that your actions are out of control. There may be feelings
Flight
Flight response might mean that we run away, hide, lock ourselves away, hide under the duvet. Get out of the situation of environment that is causing us distress.
Fawn
Fawn response is bending over backward to please someone, not to be nice or considerate but rather as a response rooted in trauma. It's over-niceness that stems wanting to please in order to avoid danger or abuse.
They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price for any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries.
Thinks there is safety and attachment can be gained by becoming the helpful and compliant servants of their parents/ other relationships in their lives.
Pattern for coping aswell. Learned response.
Shutdown
Distinct state, where an incident hightended stat of arousal, remains response, and no option to react. System crashes down and relaxtion response which is shutdown and dissassocitaive.
Characteristised as immobility, which switches on when we can’t take action, but threat still around, and can feel like a loss of control over the event or situation aswell.
It can also play out by us losing awareness or dissassociating in difficult situations. Like hours of gaming or burying our head in the sand in order to disappear away from the uncomfortable feeling. This is why knowledge is power.
Shutdown can be a learnt response and words and action can’t be taken as the brain’s thinking part has shit down.
Tips:
Staying present and mobile
Psycho education in shame and guilt
Recognising and Adjusting
For example you may recognise in your children the need for them to please their parent, or parents. A son might have no interest in football but feel uncomfortable saying to a parent that he doesn’t want to play football he wants to go to an art class instead. It’s about empowering and listening to our children. Exploring their interests, likes and dislikes.
In some cases it’s also about going through with them what to say to help their voice be heard and that it’s not their job to please someone. You are learning and growing together.
Think about physically how you respond, what colours do you see? Where do you feel it in your body? Again a great one to do with children.
Who’s on my team? Who do I feel safe expressing my uncomfortable feelings with? Where will I be validated and feel loved? Recognise who not to go to.
Boundaries are so important, and boundary mantras, for when the thinking part of the brain is switched off.
Stop apologising, thanks for waiting for me, excuse me. Find another way.
You are important to
What do I want? Communication, knowing what I need in that moment
Work on the trauma, learn grow, evolve, constantly work on yourself
Self awareness, knowledge is power
Lean in don’t lean away
Self Validation, positive affirmations and statements
Exercise is key self help strategy
Breathing techniques