Single Parents Not Always Merry And Bright This Christmas

Christmas for many is a time to be celebrated – a break from work, socialising with friends and family and shopping in excess. But for single parents, the festive period can be anything but merry, bringing a host of financial, logistical, social and emotional pressures.  

We understand that single parents face an increase in household bills and this year have been struck by a decrease in Universal Credit benefits all adding to the financial burden of the holidays.

With many single parents being without their children and working increased hours to meet the demands and expectations of the festive period, we would like to call on Single Parents across Wales to join our network so that we can support you in combatting the Christmas blues. 

We asked some of our members to share their experiences, tips and words of comfort for other single parents this Christmas. 

Feeling Overwhelmed

“My to do list at Christmas feels so overwhelming. It feels like I need to start doing stuff from September to be able to not feel like a failure and that I’ve let my child down.” 

“The hardest thing for me is leaving everything until the last minute and the pressure and stress that comes with that. My tip is to start preparing early and get organised. Even if it’s just 1 or 2 things a few months before you will feel so much better. I start getting ready in September.”

“Christmas is where I thrive. I buy stuff from January onwards so it doesn’t feel overwhelming.”

“I’m self-employed and I have a 5 hour working day while she is in school. Christmas shopping, planning, activities, wrapping, preparation all eat into that time so the cost of Christmas doubles as I’m not earning while I’m spending. There is very little joy in the build up as it’s so fraught and time pressured.”

Pressure and expectations

“It feels like there is a huge pressure to do everything and Christmas over the years seems to be on steroids with so many events and added extras that are expected. Like elf on the shelf and Christmas Eve boxes.” 

“I hate the mindless shopping with a passion, and I think about the environmental impact. So much so that my children now say “I don’t want more plastic toys, because it’s bad for the planet.”

 “I feel the pressure, and perhaps some guilt to make sure that everything is merry and bright for my children. I find it all totally exhausting. My favourite moment is things like putting up the tree with my children, seeing how excited they get and the kindness and Christmas spirit.” 

“As silly as it may seem, I feel in competition with the coparent, and I think maybe trying to compensate for the fact that we aren’t together anymore. But of course, presents won’t comfort our children and help them work through a separation.” 

“Probably very different to most but I’m not a big fan. Unbeknown to my daughter I find it hard - for me there’s far too much pressure to make it ‘perfect’, to be very excited and happy. It intensifies the feeling of being ‘single’ and I find it a lonely time.”

Over the years, the following has helped me survive -

1. Voluntary work, so good to give the gift of time to people who have so little.

2. Joined friends for their Christmas day meal and, bought silly accessories and games to play.

3. A few hours in a posh gym - good deals for 10 day passes / friends have free passes that they share.

4. Exercise - a walk/ run/ cycle, always great to be outdoors.

5. Invited other single friends to join us.

6. As a big treat bought ‘readymade’ Marks and Spencers food which took all the stress out of cooking and, had more quality time with my daughter.

Money Worries

“I do get in debt during Christmas to make sure that my children have most things on their list. Then work really hard all year to make sure that I pay this off. My tip to others would be to be mindful of sharing pictures on social media of piles of presents around the tree, because not all families can afford large amounts of presents and I’ve heard children think that the reason they didn’t get as many as other children is because they are naughty. Which is heart breaking.” 

“It’s so great for the environment and for your bank balance to shop second hand where you can. Have a look around charity shops and try searching on Ebay or Gumtree for things on your children’s Christmas list. Things like scooters or bikes are great second hand. Plus you don’t have to put them together and have all of that packaging to dispose of as well!”

“Every year I think, next year I am setting aside money every month so that I don’t have that feeling in my stomach of anxiety and stress where I worry about how much I’m spending. I start buying things and think that’s enough. Then, like most people, I look at the stuff I have bought and think, that doesn’t look much! It’s that worry of my child being disappointed that makes me then look to spend more.” 

“I did set up a savings thing with work but only put £20 a month in it, but that covers the food for Christmas.” 

“I really scrimp and save, run around getting the presents that my children would like, spend time wrapping the presents, and to be honest I feel it’s not fair that Santa takes all of the credit.”

“I tell my children regularly that I’m not rich. One of my son’s wanted a laptop this year so we worked out that if he gets money for Christmases, birthdays and Easter it’ll probably take him two years to save.”

Some final advice from a SPW member is:

“I think my advice would be from something I find helps, is creating those traditions that can’t be interfered by the alternating Christmas, so going to panto together, or a Christmas shopping afternoon, crafting, making Christmas gifts/ decorations together. We have lots of things planned throughout the month. Plus we go away for NYE then.”

What we’d like to say to other single parent households is that they are enough, they have enough and they do enough. You have been through so much and the fact that you worry and over compensate at Christmas, means that you care and love your children. That’s all your children need. be kind to yourselves this Christmas. You’re amazing.

We have lots planned over the December, online and in person, and we also have a Christmas Day walk that you can attend. Check out our members areas for all the details HERE.

We also have Wellbeing Workshops for single parents to focus on their mental health.