Guilt, Expenses, Childcare and Juggling. Single Parents and Summer Holidays
SPW Director Rachel Cule appeared on BBC Radio Wales Dot Davis breakfast show to voice the struggles of being a single parent and managing the 6 weeks of summer holidays. You can listen to the show here, 1:50 into the show.
Here is one of our member’s account of what summer holidays is like for a single parent. Then there are some of the comments that our SPW members said about how they feel about the summer holidays.
What really came through from our members was the overriding feeling of guilt, expense and the juggling act of the summer holidays is a big and stressful time for single parents.
I like the school holidays and we get more time together and it's very bonding and we have a lot of fun. However I wanted to voice the struggles that single parents have.
Let’s start with work.
a) Feeling guilty that you have to work and they have to go somewhere they don't want to. Also you might not find something you think is very good.
B) If you don’t have family who can help its paying for child care. Therefore less money for days out etc.
C) If the paid child care is not available what then?
D) Even if you can work at home it's hard to work with a child, plus the guilt, yet again, that you're not entertaining them on their holidays.
E) If you take a lot of the school holidays off work, then more guilt, that you're letting your colleagues take the strain, letting down your clients etc.
If you are a single parent, and especially if there is not another parent or close family to help, you could literally be spending 6 or 7 weeks together without a break except if you are in work, when it's not actually a break is it? You try to make it fun, you want them to have a lovely time, special times to remember, like when you were little but this is all reliant on you. If you get tired you might not be the most fun person.
I booked the first day back in September for myself to try to have a day to relax and get things done before going back to work, but then they announced it's an inset day. They can be sprung on us.
Then there is MONEY.
You’re so busy you might not plan things well then suddenly the holidays are upon you. It’s paying for everything on limited income and wanting your kids to feel they've had the best of times. And doing it without getting into debt, as soon it will be Christmas to budget for!! You want them to be able to say they've been away on holiday when they get back to school and feel they have had a good time.
You’re a playmate, organiser, provider everything in the holidays. I do love them but it can be daunting when you have seven weeks ahead. I think it's been harder since Covid, in holidays as children haven’t been able to mix as much.
Next is going away. You book the trip, book the insurance, chauffeur, check the tyres, carry the bags, sort out any problems on the journey, navigate a foreign country if you go abroad and all that goes with that. It can be quite intimidating the thought of going abroad on your own. What if things go wrong and theres no other adult with you?
You pay lots of money for a holiday away and have to make sure its something you can also enjoy and relax with as it's your chance for a break too. But you can come back more tired than when you went away of you're not careful.
When you sit down at the end of the night, when they are in bed, that's not your time to relax with your partner. You're on your own. It can be great, you might have a friend over, chat on the phone, watch a film etc. But it's a different kind of end to the day. If you're lucky you feel the kids had a good day. I don’t get lonely but I know a lot of people do. But the holiday adverts don’t show a single parent sat watching television at the end of the night, they show a couple on the balcony with a glass of wine.
Here’s what some of the SPW members said about the school holidays:
Working and Childcare
“I'm not looking forward to it, working from home full time and child care/activities are so expensive! The type of work I do, I can't have my son around all the time so I'm going to be skint lol Lots of juggling and stress to get through the 6 weeks.”
“The whole 6 weeks I will be very tired, worried about putting too much on my ageing parents and feeling even more of the ever present mum guilt at not being able to give my son all these amazing days out and memories due to both time and cost, or just being there for him when I have to work. It’s very hard - period!”
“The choice when you’re self-employed to not work and save childcare but have no funds, or work and not see your child.
When your child’s other parent offers to help by taking time off then says they couldn’t possibly have whole week together so you don’t get rest.”
“Needing to cover 7 weeks holidays this summer. Have annual leave for 2 weeks, so 5 weeks to find cover for my 11year old son.”
“At the age where he doesn't want to go to clubs and then there is the guilt of 5 weeks where I'm working and he is 'bored'!! His friends out and about.”
“Juggling childcare/work commitments Even though kids are early teens, still a lot of hours that they are unsupervised. Employment not allowing holiday entitlement through summer holidays either. Stressed!!”
”I’m a widowed single parent so no one to share childcare with. I only have two weeks off so I can save leave for half terms, I find it stressful and full of mum guilt that I can’t take her exciting places because I’m working.”
Extra Expense
“Feeding them! 2 years ago we’d been switched to universal credit just as summer started so either had to get advance which was a loan taken from it or not have income for 6 weeks.”
“Pricing for days out, often peak with travel etc.”
“One thing I’ve found this summer, my child is 11. Doesn’t want to be put into day nursery holiday clubs or registered childminders obvs, found some great sports camps etc however no help available via UC as not approved childcare providers, so I have to put her somewhere she doesn’t want to be, which is more expensive anyway but I get some assistance toward it or suck up the cost fully myself and place her where she will be happy.”
“I am stuck in low paid work until my son is independent enough for me to work full time. In some ways I am lucky to have a school job which allows me to have the summer off, but the cost of providing interesting things to do over the six weeks is hard. He has chosen not to go on his year 6 residential trip in September which is fortunate as it costs almost £300 and had I had to pay even half of that I would have been struggling through the summer.”
“We are lucky to manage a camping holiday. I save all year just for Xmas.”
“It’s a huge amount of money! Then I feel guilty that all his friends have day trips and family outings and he has childcare. I don’t have excess funds to do a holiday/expensive days out on top of the cost of going to work via the tax that single parents pay called childcare.”
Children With Additional Needs
“How busy/noisy/stressful it can be for children who have additional needs- may get more frustrated if children are in the park/free options has happened a lot with us.”
“I think it’s whatever people have felt in then pandemic x 100 as you are parent, referee, chef, entertainer and constantly cleaning etc.”
“I’m a single parent through IVF and a donor so no ex here to share childcare. I can’t take a full 2 weeks of leave as I have to spread my leave through the school year to cover other school holidays and Christmas. I work 4 days a week but use leave to drop this down to 3 days a week through the summer. I get one full week off with my son and then it is a combination of relying on my parents for most of the childcare as alternative options seem very few, especially when your child does have some additional needs.”
“No support, respite or suitable activities for kids with additional needs. They are forget by society and services!!”
We have lots to get involved with over the summer holidays and you can even set up an outdoor meet up in your area of Wales. Have a look at workshops and events here. Or have a look at the outdoor meet ups here. Don’t forget to join our closed FB Group for support and advice.