How To Deal With Pet Bereavement
It can be emotional and a difficult experience losing a pet. It’s completely normal to grieve and grieving for a pet follows a similar pattern to grieving for a human relation. After all, they are a part of the family. The feelings you may have are a testimony to the special bond between people and pets.
For a child or young person it might be their first experience of death or loss of something close to them. So allow them the space, understanding and time to move forward with their grief.
The reaction of a pet dying varies from person to person depending on:
Relationship with pet
Length of ownership
Circumstances around death
Support system surrounding the owner
Previous experiences of bereavement, including deaths in their lives, break up of parents, changing schools, loss of friends
The pet was special, such as a first pet
The grief of a pet may vary from a few days of sadness to feelings of:
Loneliness
Dispair
Anger
Sadness
Pining
Anxiety
Denial
Shock
Numbness
Guilt- particularly when the decision has been made to euthanase
Self doubt
Physical pain, including tummy pain
Sleep and eating patterns affected
The full acceptance is a gradual process and time is needed to readjust to home environment without the pet. Some things that might mean waves of emotions include:
Empty beds
Food bowls
Seeing others walking dogs/ seeing cats in the street
Routines that would include the pet
Some ideas that may help are:
Organising a cremation/ burial/ ceremony
Children may want to be involved in organising this and invite friends. They may like to say some words about their pet.
Make a gravestone
This can be made with children and include the name of the pet.
You may like to select bulbs, plants or trees to plant around the grave or as a memorial in your garden. And even include something like a pet bowl in this place.
Photographs
Frame a photo of the pet or put a collage together, and put in a special place in the home.
Pen to paper
Get feelings down on paper for those that struggle to voice them. You could even write a poem or draw a picture. This may be helpful for children.
Create memories
You can put some memories of the pet into a scrapbook, book of memories or memory box. Whilst doing this you can reflect and talk freely about happy memories shared with pets
Keep talking
It’s important to keep expressing emotions about how you feel and allowing others in your family to express their feelings, that might be different to yours. Don’t trivialise or minimse the grief, understand the importance of the pet in their lives.
Informing a teacher about how your child is feeling about the loss will allow them the opportunity to discuss their grief at school also.
Be honest
Be clear that the pet has died or is dead, not that they have ‘gone’ as a child may think that the pet might come back.
When to get another pet?
There are no clear rules on this and it’s a very individual decision. Consider it when the time is right for you and your family. Some people miss the presence of an animal and the routines and benefits of having a pet for them, such as going out for a walk.
There may be other emotional or practical issues to resolve before considering another pet. It’s important to understand that the new pet can never be the same or replace the previous pet, and comparisons may lead to further pain or disappointment. A local shelter is a great place to find a new pet, or you could use sites like Borrrow My Doggie to trial whether a new pet is right at the moment. It may also be a good idea to visit a zoo or local farm so that the missing connection to animals that your child or owner may be feeling are fulfilled in a different way.
Some more info and support:
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement
Blue Cross
www.bluecross.org.uk/ pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss
Support line 0800 096 6606
Cats Protection- Paws to Listen
Compasssion Understood
The Ralph Site
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